Eleven.

Dear Jason,
Two months ago, you spent your birthday at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Yesterday, you spent our Anniversary at The Hospital for Sick Children.
Either we have terrible luck or we’re just terrible parents. But really I suspect our girls are trying to steal our shine.

This past week wasn’t a particularly good week and it had nothing to do with Emma being extremely ill with Pneumonia.
I was angry, upset, disappointed and hurt by you. So much so that we didn’t even exchange a simple “Hi” or even a goodbye kiss for an entire week.

The funny thing is, I don’t think we’re still angry about what actually started our fight and I’m sure what started it all will give us a good laugh down the road.
Instead our pride took hold of us, it consumed us and it blinded us from the ability to give and receive love.

Choosing love can be so hard.
Sometimes it’s so hard to love you and I know it’s even harder to love me.

I felt like I wasn’t strong enough to let go of my pride and choose love for us. But all it took was one glimpse of our fair-skinned, frail-bodied child who was being so much stronger than us, battling her illness all week and being that light at just the right time, to feel like love chose us.

One glimpse of our Emma was enough to finally put our guards down, lift our blinders off and to finally exchange our first words to each other, “Happy 11th.”
Not followed by an “I love you” or a heart eyed emoji or even a “Sorry.” Just a period. And in that humble moment, it was enough to unite us in love, through text.

Eleven years together and choosing love doesn’t get any easier. If it has taught me anything in the long days and short years, is that choosing love can be hard, but we must choose to love even harder. Let go of the things that add clutter, the things that don’t matter, and hold on to the very few things that do and hold on to those the hardest.

Love was always there and will always be with us no matter the circumstance. Even when we are too blind or too weak to choose love on our own strength, love finds us as we are, where we are and reveals itself, even at the Emergency Room of a Children’s Hospital.

After all is said and done, love remains. When we have all the words or none at all, love will cut through the noise or break the silence and it will always have the last and lasting word.

Happy 11th.

J